You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
