I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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