why didn't you poke me back
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
