We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
