can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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