I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i think i have two assholes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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