haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You are the jesus of drinking
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
