hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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