I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
