My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
