Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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