party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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