Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
