You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
