and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
