Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
