I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
