i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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