ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
