i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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