I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
