I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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