I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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