I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
