I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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