i just google imaged poop.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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