She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
