I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
