I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i've created a new STD.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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