we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
