Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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