Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He kissed a someone with a penis
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
