i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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