gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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