forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
