Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
