Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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