I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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