Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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