I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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