so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
