WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
