I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
