god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
