i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
did you just send me my own nude
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
