I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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