we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
