apparently the secret to your success is patron
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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