so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
her facebook's as public as her vagina
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
