Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
