Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
