yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
