Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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