i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
