If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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