oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
