Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
