they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
