The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
