there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
no. you can't hotbox the world.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
