what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
