just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
